passion pursues me in a plumeria scented purple skirt and golden skinned sun kissed nipples.
satin folds find my fingertips and cinnamon clove musky mayhem messes with my cerebellum, simple serendipity settling the fire inside.
morning kisses at the back of my heart with the warm winds rattling my windows, white-walled brilliance bringing me back to heavy-lidded harmony with the world around me.
sweat beads and fills the sheets.
the glue of the universe churned in a hotpot, sloshing over to stain the container and slip into the bricks...a volcano erupts, a peace treaty signed, a planet implodes, the stars align, the heavens erupt in uproarious applause as the creator cracks a devilish grin.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Enfuego
"The way of love is not a subtle argument.
The door here is devastation.
Birds make great skycircles of their freedom.
How do they do it? They fall,
And in falling they're given wings." ~Rumi
I'm a lover. It's my nature, it's what I do. I fall hard, fast and DEEP, and all to often, it's a blissfully painful experience.
I awoke this morning with a pain in my shoulder and the memory of a recent lover playing in my brain. Immediately I checked my blackberry to see if she'd contacted me via fb, gmail or good ol' fashioned text message. She had, but the deeper aspects of conversations were left untouched. She played on the surface, keeping a foot in the door, but no more...
The steel turns.
On the other side of my dome dances another recent love who wants, perhaps, too much. She pulls for my affection in manners all too familiar, and I watch the love that engulfs her bring out the best of her beauty in manic expressions of poetic brilliance. Psychotic obsession leads to some of the best art mankind has ever known. Whether that obsession is a fire for God, a die-hard world-worn quest, or the all-consuming love of another human, it doesn't matter. It's the spark within that does the trick...but I'd be damned if I called it comfortable for anyone.
Conventional wisdom dictates that I shouldn't care. My primary focus is and should be my mission, my purpose, the work at hand...but still this soft heart of mine beats pink and vibrant, and is easily aroused by those with whom I choose to open. History shows that I'm willing to give it all, gamble everything and torch the ships in the name of love, branding me with a string of names too long to claim...terms of endearment and bile-ridden insults...all stick and none of 'em hold, just like life.
Yeah, I shouldn't care, but I do. This fuels me. Towards what, I'm not sure, but it feels like aliveness, and that can't be a bad thing. So many days I've spent in comfortable numbness, quietly longing for the flames of life to lick my skin and make me feel again. Here I am, in the fire...wanting what's just beyond my reach.
Stretching.
Growing.
Living this Love.
God help us all.
The door here is devastation.
Birds make great skycircles of their freedom.
How do they do it? They fall,
And in falling they're given wings." ~Rumi
I'm a lover. It's my nature, it's what I do. I fall hard, fast and DEEP, and all to often, it's a blissfully painful experience.
I awoke this morning with a pain in my shoulder and the memory of a recent lover playing in my brain. Immediately I checked my blackberry to see if she'd contacted me via fb, gmail or good ol' fashioned text message. She had, but the deeper aspects of conversations were left untouched. She played on the surface, keeping a foot in the door, but no more...
The steel turns.
On the other side of my dome dances another recent love who wants, perhaps, too much. She pulls for my affection in manners all too familiar, and I watch the love that engulfs her bring out the best of her beauty in manic expressions of poetic brilliance. Psychotic obsession leads to some of the best art mankind has ever known. Whether that obsession is a fire for God, a die-hard world-worn quest, or the all-consuming love of another human, it doesn't matter. It's the spark within that does the trick...but I'd be damned if I called it comfortable for anyone.
Conventional wisdom dictates that I shouldn't care. My primary focus is and should be my mission, my purpose, the work at hand...but still this soft heart of mine beats pink and vibrant, and is easily aroused by those with whom I choose to open. History shows that I'm willing to give it all, gamble everything and torch the ships in the name of love, branding me with a string of names too long to claim...terms of endearment and bile-ridden insults...all stick and none of 'em hold, just like life.
Yeah, I shouldn't care, but I do. This fuels me. Towards what, I'm not sure, but it feels like aliveness, and that can't be a bad thing. So many days I've spent in comfortable numbness, quietly longing for the flames of life to lick my skin and make me feel again. Here I am, in the fire...wanting what's just beyond my reach.
Stretching.
Growing.
Living this Love.
God help us all.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
the internal bitch
i'm taking a break from complaining...a 21 day fast from letting negativity and bitching fall from my mouth...and it's starting to get interesting.
just as there are external and internal detox reactions during a physical fast, i'm starting to notice a shift in my head...
yesterday i boarded a plane back to austin from l.a. after a work weekend, and i found myself in a mood. i held true to my commitment and kept my mouth shut...and then i noticed how much complaining naturally takes place between my ears.
so i got to work...instead of fueling the cycle with antagonism and analysis, i chanted. i chose a mantra, closed my eyes, and chanted silently while watching the brat in my brain throw an unwarranted temper tantrum.
before i knew it, i was asleep, dreaming the battle into bliss, and when i awoke, i felt much better. i chose a new attitude, and the perspective of that new vantage point allowed me to see more clearly how lucky i am. i watched the sun set below the horizon of clouds, then bliss overtook me as we dipped down through that white horizon to float above fields of green and gold below.
the bitch and the bliss...all rolled into one whole human.
love this life.
just as there are external and internal detox reactions during a physical fast, i'm starting to notice a shift in my head...
yesterday i boarded a plane back to austin from l.a. after a work weekend, and i found myself in a mood. i held true to my commitment and kept my mouth shut...and then i noticed how much complaining naturally takes place between my ears.
so i got to work...instead of fueling the cycle with antagonism and analysis, i chanted. i chose a mantra, closed my eyes, and chanted silently while watching the brat in my brain throw an unwarranted temper tantrum.
before i knew it, i was asleep, dreaming the battle into bliss, and when i awoke, i felt much better. i chose a new attitude, and the perspective of that new vantage point allowed me to see more clearly how lucky i am. i watched the sun set below the horizon of clouds, then bliss overtook me as we dipped down through that white horizon to float above fields of green and gold below.
the bitch and the bliss...all rolled into one whole human.
love this life.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
today i feel like a douchebag.
this feeling is unfounded the really real reality, but it's the way i feel. there's so much that i WANT to be doing, and the chief among these is traveling and teaching. but i'm grounded for the moment...working out this life business in the city of my blood.
i'm putting myself out there in ways i never have before, and i'm getting shot at. the blade of improvement is carving at my flesh, and the pruning hurts. my friend and sometimes coach is telling me that my favorite part of my promotional efforts is keeping me from being understood, the people who are responding to my promotions are my broke-ass friends, not the people of means i'm aiming to attract, the class i taught yesterday was ill-attended and full of unsurity, and on and on and on and on and here i sit, bitching on a saturday. sweaty. hot.
ugh.
i think i'm taking all this shit too personally...i'm internalizing the effects of my play in this world...
truth be told (as always), i'm experimenting, and some of the experiments aren't working the way that i'd like them to. perfect. the work is getting more powerful in its falling apart.
okay, time to work some more.
this feeling is unfounded the really real reality, but it's the way i feel. there's so much that i WANT to be doing, and the chief among these is traveling and teaching. but i'm grounded for the moment...working out this life business in the city of my blood.
i'm putting myself out there in ways i never have before, and i'm getting shot at. the blade of improvement is carving at my flesh, and the pruning hurts. my friend and sometimes coach is telling me that my favorite part of my promotional efforts is keeping me from being understood, the people who are responding to my promotions are my broke-ass friends, not the people of means i'm aiming to attract, the class i taught yesterday was ill-attended and full of unsurity, and on and on and on and on and here i sit, bitching on a saturday. sweaty. hot.
ugh.
i think i'm taking all this shit too personally...i'm internalizing the effects of my play in this world...
truth be told (as always), i'm experimenting, and some of the experiments aren't working the way that i'd like them to. perfect. the work is getting more powerful in its falling apart.
okay, time to work some more.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
unknown haiku
Arisen from the depths of heaven's descent
Persistent and patient she awaits her sin's fruition
Sidewinding backbiting subtle and slow
The snow rolls uncontrolled down from the blue mesa
Broken Black Branches
The Boy In Her Belly Grows
Cold Rain Rakes the Pane
Persistent and patient she awaits her sin's fruition
Sidewinding backbiting subtle and slow
The snow rolls uncontrolled down from the blue mesa
Broken Black Branches
The Boy In Her Belly Grows
Cold Rain Rakes the Pane
Saturday, July 25, 2009
flip trip
Every fibre of my being screams
F U C K Y O U !!!
Still, I proclaim I LOVE YOU.
And TRUST that God/Goddess will see me through
Using the fire of my anger to change danger into loveplay
For at the heart of my malice is pain
And love is the only salve and salvation.
F U C K Y O U !!!
Still, I proclaim I LOVE YOU.
And TRUST that God/Goddess will see me through
Using the fire of my anger to change danger into loveplay
For at the heart of my malice is pain
And love is the only salve and salvation.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
heart shaped hook
She deals in Painful Transformation
Ripping the flesh from her father's face that he may feel life a little clearer
Carving sorrow in the hearts of every man she comes across,
Delving a deeper vessel of love.
She'll love you more than you've ever been loved.
She'll hurt you more than you've ever been hurt.
To her, they are one and the same.
Still healing the wounds of a father's unfortunate choices.
Attritious Affection
Righteous Rejection
Revenge in a Valentine.
Ripping the flesh from her father's face that he may feel life a little clearer
Carving sorrow in the hearts of every man she comes across,
Delving a deeper vessel of love.
She'll love you more than you've ever been loved.
She'll hurt you more than you've ever been hurt.
To her, they are one and the same.
Still healing the wounds of a father's unfortunate choices.
Attritious Affection
Righteous Rejection
Revenge in a Valentine.
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